Friday, May 24, 2013

Oh Internet, what am I going to do with you?


The Internet is a double edged sword.  It is wonderful, yet more of a world of widening webs.

I am really enjoying this writing/blogging thing.  If I could post without going on the Internet, I would publish a new article every single day.

However, I must admit, the wondering www dot is taking a toll on my positive body image.  No matter what I do, I can’t figure out how to blog without checking my Facebook news feed. 

For me, too much Facebook equals low self-esteem.  And even though I love keeping in touch with people, it can really knock me off balance if I am not careful.

Each time I post a new blog entry, I scroll through my never ending (literally!) home page and look at everyone’s pictures.
 
Besides feeling like it is a waste of time, I can’t stop comparing myself to others.
 
People post pictures of themselves in new clothes, selfies in front of their mirrors, at the beach, or even prego pictures at such and such weeks.  If I could look at pictures without feeling jealous, I would.  I even feel a twinge of guilty envy when I see beautiful mothers and their beautiful babies.

“I don’t look as good as she does in those shorts.  I wish I could wear a dress like that.  I could never do my hair like that.  She is so pretty.  She is so funny.  Wow; she worked out for an hour in the rain?  That’s a great comment; I could never be that witty.  She is so skinny and she is 5 months pregnant.  I could never look like that.  Her kids are adorable; how does she keep it all together and still manage to look like a movie star?  She takes really great pictures; she could be a professional.”

After the dust has settled, I admit that Facebook causes me to feel like a fat failure.

I have to be honest with myself and decide if it’s causing me more unnecessary damage.  If that is the case, then bye-bye Facebook.

The Internet seems to undo all the positive steps I take.  I am trying my hardest to get rid of the unrealistic expectations I place on myself.  So much of my anxiety comes from my perfectionist tendencies and extremely high standards.  Motivation is a good thing if it promotes action.  But when the expectations get too ridiculous, it can be crippling.  “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~Steve Furtick (from my Tiny Buddha article - Click here if you missed it!)

Facebook is all about showing your best side to the world.  It has “highlight reel” written all over it.

I am working up the courage to deactivate my Facebook account.  I am not ready to do that yet, but if it continues to affect me negatively, then I will.

Famous last words…

I don't want to have to quit Facebook, but should I?  What do you think?
 
Do you avoid Facebook for any reason?  How does it make you feel after spending time on it?  Can you go on the Internet without checking Facebook?  If so, how do you do it?
 
Challenge of the Day: Write down how you feel after spending time on Facebook.  Then give it up for a day.  At the end of that day, write down how you feel.  Is there a huge difference?

15 comments:

  1. I've thought for a long time about dropping it too. :) So far, my gotta-be-tough/stubborn side has been winning; I want so badly to be able to have facebook without always comparing myself and without wasting so much time on it. Unfortunately, I don't even think you have to be highly prone to comparing yourself/negative self-image for facebook to be unhealthy. The very structure of facebook itself sets up comparisons for everyone to experience. Literally, everyone's statuses and photos are juxtaposed on the newsfeed for us to subconsciously or outright evaluate--whether it's comparing Friend A to Friend B or comparing ourselves to both. Ick!

    By the way: a huge congratulations to you on your appearance on Tiny Buddha! Your post was inspiring and articulate--they always are. :)

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    1. Thanks Rachel! That was an AWESOME comment! My stubborn side is winning too. I really want to be able to control my comparing, like you said. You are so right about the set up of Facebook. I thought that I just had week willpower. But maybe it's more than that. Thanks for that insight. And thank you for your kind words.

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  2. moi aussi je passe toute ma journée sur facebook ... j'ai désactivé on facebook plusieurs fois. mais je y reviens rapidement ...
    je croix qu'il est devenu nécessaire, et ça fait parti de nos vie.surtout nous les jeunes.
    le problème c'est qu'on sais bien qu'on est en train de gâcher nos vie (vie réelle) et nos santé en restant des heures devant l’écran de l'ordinateur, et on ne peut rien faire,rien décider ... c'est magique

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    1. Merci pour votre commentaire. Je suppose que nous travaillons tous encore sur une conclusion.

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  3. Hi, Mary!

    I have a Facebook account but I am not on it much and for a good reason. I often feel like such a failure and an unproductive person and writer when I see all the ENDLESS posts on there from my writer friends. What has worked for me now is that I mentally prepare my mind for the process, that I will see all the posts and that it has nothing to do with me. It helps sometimes. Have a good day!

    Jinhee

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    1. Thank you for the response! I think it is a great idea to prepare yourself for the process. I like what you said about separating yourself from what you read/see on FB. Thanks for the insight, I am definitely going to try it out.

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  4. Wow. I haven't checked Facebook in at least six weeks...maybe longer. You would likely be horrified if I told you that I hit myself in the face with a hammer every day but you are doing something equally destructive. Stop reading Facebook now. You can put it on hold without canceling your account and you should try that as a trial. Don't do anything that makes you feel like a failure or compare yourself unfavorably to someone else. Period.

    Tough words but said with deep compassion. Stay well. Barbara

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    1. Thank you Barbara. I am going to try to only check it once a week to see if I can handle that. I want you to know that I personally prayer for everyone who read/comments on my blog. So know that I truly hope for you to find the help and healing that you need. You deserve it. God Loves You.

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  5. i agree with that "highlight reel" bit. everyone's life looks better than my own when i am solely focused on all the great things they have or do. but, in the greater scheme of things...their lives are surely full of other, more mundane and difficult problems and items/people.
    aaahhh well.
    i have heard that in recent times Pinterest is also causing one to get down on oneself. they always have the nicest clothes, women with best bodies, healthiest things to eat, most expensive and grand homes and designs of rooms etc. makes one feel somewhat inadequate as well. this, coming from the woman who used a picture from Pinterest to decorate her own front porch. so...when used with proper perspective (cant be, do or have it ALL) one can actually get some use from these websites!

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    1. Yes, I agree with Pintrest's ability to cause a negative body image as well. I've stopped looking at Pintrest for over a year. I couldn't handle it and so I didn't even get started. It is so sad how many people have Eating Disorder Boards on Pintrest. They are disguised under words like "Thinspiration" and "Skinny Deep". They are boards of air brushed models and dieting tricks and crazy exercise routines. It's just so sad. All they are doing is enabling obsessive compulsive behaviors and disordered eating.

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  6. Keep posting on your blog though!!

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    1. OK. Thanks for the encouragement! I'm going to go post right now ;)

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  7. Oh gosh Mary, I feel the same way! (the best part for you is that in my case, I'm looking at you being jealous wishing I looked more like you or wrote a cool blog like you)
    You're such an inspiration!

    Rachel

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