Nursing makes you really hungry...really really hungry. I think I have a bigger appetite now than when I was training for my marathon.
Being able to eat a lot can be fun...if you let it. However, if you struggle with an eating disorder, being uncontrollably, perpetually hungry can be terrifying.
Since having a baby, some eating disorder thoughts have crept back into my life. I was anticipating having minor setbacks because of post-pregnancy body image issues. I also knew it would be difficult to control negative feelings with not being able to use my coping skill because of the responsibility of taking care of a baby. For the most part, though, I've been ok.
The other night I was really down because I ate a huge dinner. I was beating myself up and having a hard time moving on. I was upset, tearful, discouraged. I felt ugly, worthless, defeated...all too familiar feelings, making things worse.
Craig reminded me of an important fact. He said, "You ate food, Mary. It's not like you drank a gallon of poison. You body will use it as energy and food for Dominic."
Food is not poison. Eating food does not make me a bad person. And repeat until it sinks in.