Thursday, May 9, 2013

Where I am. Or where am I?

{Painting of the Day: Tea Cup by Mary Borchers}
A lovely blogger, Therese Borchard, (I know, similar last names! Crazy, huh?!) often says that you should write from where you are and not from where you want to be.

Today, I am guilty as charged.  I had this really great article written up with quotes and links and all that good blogging stuff.  But when it came down to posting it, Therese's advice popped into my head.

I am sometimes (not always) guilty of writing from this beautifully hopeful place that sounds so great to me.  And that is not necessarily a bad thing.

But the reality is, I still have a long way to go until I get there.

I will publish my other brilliant post some other time when it feels more honest.  But for now...

Like a birthday balloon that miraculously survived a rowdy four year old's party but was left alone for weeks, I woke up this morning with a deflated self-esteem.  I don't know where the heck that analogy came from but, in my mind, it makes sense.

For some reason, unknown to me, I feel like everything good has fled my consciousness.  I am left with only negative thoughts.

...constant, tormenting, negative thoughts.

"I'm fat.  I'm a failure.  I'm not good at anything.  My life is such a waste."  (And repeat, like a broken record.)

It is good for me to read my own advice as well as to write it down for others.

I try to practice everything I preach, but sometimes I fail.

And that is OK.

Like today, all I want to do is either scream in frustration or stay in bed all day long and not face anything that comes my way.

But I know that won't make me feel better this time.  I'll just be disappointed in myself if I don't do anything.  I'll end up feeling worse than when I started.

So, I am going to try to push myself to get through this difficult time.

I will start by leading with my body and maybe my head will catch up.  I wrote a piece on this advice a while back.  Click here if you missed it.  The basic idea is that, if your brain wants you to do something that is not so good for you, going through the motions of a good routine can help your head get to a better place.

Sometimes, on the other hand, the hurdles are not that important.  So if it is causing too much anxiety, I might pass on that battle...not the whole war...just that battle.

This obstacle, however, is important to me so it is worth pushing myself.

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