My Full-Time Job

This past year, I have not had a real job, to use society’s terms.  My life has been completely occupied with recovery.  I guess you could say that my full-time job has been trying to "get healthy".  When people ask me, “What’s new?” or “What have you been doing lately?” I really just want to say, “I have been recovering from depression”.  I know that is not what people want to hear.  So, I end up saying a form of the word, “nothin”.  Sometimes, I throw in a joke or two along with my response.  I say something like, "Oh, you know, just being a stay-at-home wife".

During the day, my grand accomplishments consist of the following: getting out of bed, eating breakfast, and brushing my teeth.  Changing out of my sweatpants is a bonus but not a guarantee.  The same goes for deodorant.  If I actually left the house, that would be a really good day.

I wish with my whole heart that I could do more.  I wish with every fiber of my being that I could be proud of what I do.

 

I have been slowly trying to add responsibilities into my schedule.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Right now, the only way my life makes sense to me is if I think of the Cross.

I can unite my suffering with Jesus on the cross.  Suffering comes in many forms, not just physical.  Jesus must have endured all types of mental and emotional suffering while he was on this earth; for example, just think of the agony in the garden.  The mental and emotional suffering that I experience cannot even compare to the anguish He had in the garden of Gethsemane.  However, because He suffered, I can unite my agony to His agony.  And in doing so, amazing things can happen.

It’s humiliating not to have a job.  I admit that I am struggling with the idea.  On the outside, I seem perfectly capable of contributing to society.  It appears that there is no reason why I shouldn’t be working.  I know most of it is in my head, but I can feel the judgment from the working class every time I show my face during the day.

Because I feel this way, I realize that I am again a victim of our society's standards.  As a whole, we put way too much value on what we do.

 

When you meet someone new, one of the first questions you ask them is "So, what do you do?".

We have to remember that first and foremost, we have value because we are a human person created by God.  If we accomplish more or less, it doesn’t mean that we are more or less of a human person.

 

Our worth doesn’t come from us or what we do, it comes from God.  And there is nothing that we can do or that other people can do to us that can take our value away.