The Blind Leading the Blind

During the day, I often think of "great" ideas to write about for this blog. I tried keeping a little notebook to jot down a sentence or two so I could return to it when I had time and finally get the chance to write that "great" post. But it rarely happens because it's not my main mission. And right now, I only have time and energy for my main mission. Writing is an art and I love art. I love language. It fascinates me. But do I throw up on the page because that's all I have time for? Or do I spend morning after morning tweaking and editing my words so that they come across EXACTLY how I intend for them to come across? Eh, first world problems I guess.

I'll keep trucking because of a desire to help other people in the same way that other people helped me. I know I'm not the best writer out there, and that's totally ok with me. I just want you to know you're not alone. So I'll try not to get hung up on the notion of being perfectly understood anymore. It's a balance probably. Everything in moderation. Perfect is boring. cliché. cliché. Have I lost you yet? haha.

I can finally return to those dark days of major depression with just my memory instead of reliving the whole ordeal with my emotions.

Looking back on that time of despair, I had a lot of help. I used to read blog after blog about people like me, reading what they did to help themselves or suggestions they thought to try. I talked to friends and family and counselors, and they listened and tried to help. It was a time of extreme loneliness. Connecting with people who also had depression really helped me not to give up.

See, I thought I was the worst possible case out there. I thought there was no way I could ever get over "my problems". I thought I was unique in my depression and anxiety. I thought it was "my cross" to "offer up". Then, I started to meet other people who suffered in similar ways as me. Of course each person is different and what helps me might not help you. But it was similar enough for me to realize that "this depression thing" is a thing and it's worth talking about.

Also, once I let go of the idea that it was "MY" problem, I could really start to heal.

I don't know what I'm trying to say today. I guess I just feel the need to communicate because isolation is a depression trigger for me.