Struggle vs. Struggle

When you have depression, a "struggle" is more than a struggle. It is the end of the world. It is the most difficult thing to overcome. A struggle is an impossible task. It is despair.

When you have depression...

...and the dishwasher breaks, how can life go on? "Just one more thing that is broken. What is the point of life when everything breaks? Why do we even need to wash dishes? Why do we even need to eat? If we did not eat, then we would not need to wash dishes, then we would not need to have a broken dishwasher. Then we would not need to spend money on fixing the dishwasher. Who is going the call the repair man? I can't talk to him. I am about to cry. I can't answer the door when he comes. I am a mess. I don't know what to say to him. I am an idiot and I don't know a thing about anything. Do I have enough fuel to start up my "fake it till you make it" engine? I think I'm out of gas. I'm not sure I should have gotten out of bed today."

...and you have a cold, you feel like you really might die. "How can I possibly handle anything? I can't even deal with a measly little cold. There is no way I could handle anything worse. How could I ever have a baby? I am the most pathetic person in the whole world. Surely, I don't deserve anything good. Happiness will never be in my heart."

...and you feel like you said the wrong thing, you feel like you do not deserve to live. "Going over this conversation in my head over and over and over, I know I should have said something different. I feel so much pressure to say and do the right thing. How do I even know what is the right thing? I might as well never say anything to anyone ever again. I cannot live with this turmoil, I might as well be a hermit. I am no good to anyone. I do not matter to anyone. There is no one in the world who would care if I disappeared."

When you have depression, small struggles are debilitating. Every daily task is like climbing Mt. Everest. You feel like you can't handle anything. And because you realize these should be simple struggles, the fear of a bigger struggle happening to you is absolutely detrimental.

When you are getting treatment for depression, the medicine is helping, you are reading self-help information and practicing healthy coping skills, and you are receiving good quality counseling, a struggle is no longer the same struggle as it used to be.

When you are getting help for depression and your body and mind start to heal, you realize that there are different kinds of struggles. There are small struggles and big struggles. What used to be huge struggles, aren't so bad anymore. When you hear the word "struggle", it no longer instills fear and shaking nor means the end of the world. A struggle can actually mean a fun challenge.

I promise you there is a beautiful life on the other side of depression. I've been to the pit of hell, rock bottom, despair beyond despair, and I am here to tell you that there is HOPE, there is HEALING, and there are struggles that are actually FUN. You are not alone. Do not give up.