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| {Photo courtesy of Craig Borchers;)} |
I feel bad burdening people with my problems. Everyone has their own struggles and their
own worries. There are many people a lot
worse off than me. My friends and family
don’t need me to add my troubles to the mix.
Since I don’t want to be a burden to other people, I
especially have a hard time asking for help when I need it. I am afraid that I’ll be viewed as complaining. I am afraid no one will want to be around me
anymore. I am afraid to cause needless
worry.
If I would listen to these fears, most likely, I’d risk a
relapse before taking the risk to lose my friends.
In reality, most of my friends and loved ones would beg me
to allow them to help.
In order for me to ask for help, however, I have to set some
ground rules to “make sure that no one will get hurt”. Before I can let anyone in, I have to make
sure they will be OK.
If I knew that I was
bothering someone with my problems, it would be a long time before I opened up
again. So, to stop that from
happening, I’ve figured out how to help myself ask for help.
It is absolutely imperative
to ask for help when struggling to find mental health and healing. Even if you don’t think that you are “bad
enough” to get help. You are allowed to
ask for help.
You are NOT meant to pull yourself up by your own boot
straps. God made us communal
beings. Even Jesus had friends on earth;
He did not do everything on His own. Heck,
even God, the Trinity, is essentially communal – Three persons, one God. (Deep Theological thought of the day)
It is OK to ask for help.
Let me say that again in bold, underline, and italics, “It is OK to ask for help”.
There is no such thing as a one man militia. You need an army to fight a battle.
Still, if I did not acknowledge this inherent truth, I could
live in my own world and never reach out to another person ever again. I fear that I am “taking” too much. I am already taking up too much space. I’ve already used too many resources in this
world. I am already taking more than my
share…
You see, the very nature of mental illness is
isolating. Even when all the facts are
laid out, you can help but want to be alone.
When you are struggling with a mental illness, you are tempted to think
that no one else wants to help or
even can help. And if you do ask for help, it will be at
great cost to the other person. If that
was the truth, then no one would ask for help.
Personally, I know that I just can’t do that to someone I love. Most people who suffer from depression have
guilt issues. To include someone else in
the recovery plan could cause extra guilty feelings, hence inhibiting them from
reaching out when helped is needed.
I have found that there are a few simple things that I can
do to ease my anxieties about being a burden.
I discovered that if I follow these five guidelines, I am more likely to
use my support system and reach out to other people to help me with my problems
– which always works out for the better for both parties involved.
(Now, I understand that there are varying degrees of mental
illness. And if you know someone
struggling with mental health, they might not be able to do these things yet,
or even, ever at all.)
5 ways to support a loved one, when YOU are struggling from
depression:
1. Have a support system that consists of more than
just one person. That way, you won’t
feel like you are putting all the pressure on just one person.
2. Accept help if it is offered to you. Let your friends, family, and support system
do stuff for you. They wouldn’t offer if
they didn’t want to. You don’t have to
be superhuman and do everything yourself, even the stuff that you think you
“should” be doing on your own. In the
beginning, having help to do the little things can make a big difference.
3. Allow your loved ones to take a break from you
and re-energize regularly, even if it is just for a few hours. This is especially important for those people
who live with you. Everyone needs to
recharge their batteries from time to time.
It doesn’t mean that they are sick of you or sick of being your
friend. Dealing with depression can be
very emotionally draining for everyone involved. We are all human, we all have
limitations. (In their absence, make
sure to have a back-up emergency contact.)
4. Talking through your problems is a tremendous
help, but from time to time, switch it up and do different and fun activities. This will help both people involved. Laughter is wonderful medicine, so if you can
do funny things together it is an added bonus.
5. If you are worried about being misunderstood,
give them things to read that would help them better understand your illness. Show them the 10 things NOT to say to someone
with depression LINK if you struggle with depression. Show them eating disorder stats if you
struggle with keeping a positive body image.
Knowledge is power, and your loved ones will be able to help you better
if they know more facts about what you are going through.
If you have a loved one struggling with mental health, do
these rules work for you? Is there
anything else we can do to help you help us?
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