Today, I have no positivity, no do-better-next-time, and no encouragement for anyone else. I am questioning everything. I am miserable. I am ready to quit.
Is this just a bump in the road? Is this what they call a setback or growing pains? It feels like more.
I guess I’ve always known that I would have to struggle with depression and anxiety for the rest of my life. But these last several weeks have taken a turn for the worse.
I thought I was managing well. I thought I had coping skills for this kind of thing. But, nothing seems to be going right. At least, nothing seems to be going my way.
I know this difficulty is rooted in the fact that I “feel” too fat to be loved and too fat to do the things I want to do. It’s time to lose weight. I’ll be happy again when I am thin.
These lies are relentless and I am so tired of fighting them.
How do I know when enough is enough? What if my symptoms get worse? Will I know if I should go back on the medication?
I really don’t want to go back to the way I was.
If you’ve noticed, I haven’t been blogging as much lately because, well, I haven’t been doing very well. Life is tough for me at the moment. I feel like I must always end my posts on a positive note, with some kind of encouragement, or resolution to do better. So, I feel like I shouldn’t be posting at all right now.
Hang with me as I go through this - whatever it is. Hopefully I’ll find it back – whatever it was.
Prayers are appreciated. I’ll be praying for you too.